In matters of love, everyone is a novice. However, some of us possess the ability to speak with conviction. Allow me to present Shon Faye, writer of The Transgender Issue (2021) and the upcoming Love in Exile (2025), whose guidance captured our interest. Reach out to her at [email protected] for your personalized path to enlightenment.
Dear Shon,
I am deeply content in a heterosexual partnership with a man. We share many similarities and my affection for him is immense. I remained unattached until the age of 30 and have a vast circle of intimate friends, some contentedly single, some practicing non-monogamy, some identifying as queer, a few wedded in modest registry office ceremonies, others living together with no intention of marrying.
He, contrastingly, has friends who are all exclusively heterosexual, engaged, and planning extravagant weddings. I attended two weddings of his companions this year, and the affair left me depleted, both monetarily and socially. Each was held in remote locations—one even abroad—and both necessitated taking time off work. I found myself awkwardly conversing with the few familiar faces and my partner. Mostly, I ended up retreating to the restroom with a headache. I’m not much for drinking and experience significant social anxiety when meeting new people.
The other girlfriends all seem to be well-acquainted. I sense they aren’t particularly fond of me. The one girlfriend with whom I truly connected was recently abandoned by his friend, and I felt heartbroken, as she was my social support. However, I have my own friends and struggle to understand why I need to adopt my boyfriend’s friends’ partners. At times, being bisexual makes me feel out of place with them. In their view, I seem too eccentric, too queer, and too unusual.
Two of his friends have gotten engaged recently, and I found myself reacting with anxiety. We are awaiting an invitation to yet another wedding. Is there a way I can express to my boyfriend that I am reluctant to attend? I worry about being a terrible girlfriend. But truthfully, these events aren’t enjoyable for me. Ironically, I suspect he doesn’t find them enjoyable either. He merely feels obliged to attend.