When it comes to affairs of the heart, we are all beginners. Some of us, however, at least speak with authority. Introducing Shon Faye, author of The Transgender Issue (2021) and the forthcoming Love in Exile (2025), whose advice caught our eye. Contact her at [email protected] for your own chance at enlightenment.
Dear Shon,
I am in a happy heterosexual relationship with a man. We have a lot in common and I love him so much. I was single till I was 30, and have a large group of close friends, some happily single, some non-monogamous, some queer, a few married in tiny registry office weddings, some cohabiting with no desire to be married.
He, on the other hand: All of his friends are exclusively straight, engaged, and preparing to have huge weddings. I went to two weddings of his friends this year, and the experience drained me, both financially and socially. Both were in the middle of nowhere—one abroad— and both required time off work. I spent the weddings awkwardly chatting to the few people I knew and my boyfriend. Most of the time I found myself sitting in the restroom with a headache. I’m not really a big drinker, and get a lot of social anxiety around new people.
All of the other girlfriends seem to know each other. I have a feeling they don’t really like me. The one girlfriend I actually connected to was dumped recently by his friend, and I found myself devastated, as she was my social life raft. But I also have my own friends and don’t see why I have to take on my boyfriend’s friends’ girlfriends. Sometimes I feel because I’m bisexual, I don’t really fit in with them. I feel too weird, too queer, and too quirky in their eyes.
Two of his friends got engaged recently, and I found myself reacting to the news with dread. We are expecting an invitation to another wedding soon. Is there any way I can tell my boyfriend I don’t want to go? I feel like a terrible girlfriend. But I just don’t enjoy them. The ironic thing is, I don’t think he enjoys them either. He just feels like he has to go.